查看完整版本: 【那场雪是人造的】

很喜欢你的云雨纷纷，而这篇新作图文并茂，很不错
两地分居的女医药代表，确实比较容易得手:excellence

羽大的文章我一直在追看，感情细腻，绝对可以称得上是制作精良的唯美韩国三级与欧美A片的精彩结合！
这篇中的柔柔看是纯真的刚入行小妹，可是在于大大的笔下我又视乎读到了这个女孩不简单的一面，尤其是男猪脚最后会不会被这个柔柔的女孩摆一道，落个财色皆失呢

呵呵，短篇呀。。其实一开始看到医药代表，又看到什么院长，还以为主角是女的，又要被潜规则了。。不过还好不是，很合我口味哦，纯手枪米子。
话说后面的配图非常给力啊，那个女的身材不错哦。虽然侧身的时候会看到多余的肉，但是肉肉的女生是很有味道的么，嘿嘿。。。。

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红心送上，码字都是辛苦的。不过本文写的较为凌乱，就像生活中的一个小细节一样，但是没有深入挖掘

云雨还没更新，先看看这个吧，还配有图，楼主是不是你的真实经历啊

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这个是纪实文学？还有照片，文章名字起的也好，呵呵谢谢分享

第一次读到，羽大的作品，虽然是短篇，但是里面所表达出来的韵味已经很是足够了。
我最喜欢的是从默许开房开始，尤其是聊到：今晚干什么的时候，那一瞬间的沉默，其实还可以稍微加深点心理描写的，这是看点之一啊，此时无声胜有声的韵味，羽大只是轻轻带过了。纵使在肉海高手，心理活动都是会有的，侧重描写，会更真实，更能引人共鸣！其实小弟也有过这样类似的经历，由于是新手，内心挣扎得厉害...一个呼吸都是极其微妙的！
其次就是肉战开始，挑逗的情戏了。要是女人轻轻一摸已经那么敏感，品穴的时候，应该会很容易高潮的嘛。放慢点描写，情趣更多。挑逗少了点，倒是觉得，男主角是急于苦干之辈了，少了点情愫的感觉。而且，文章女人是长期性饥渴煎熬的爆发期，完全会因为男人的挑逗，而翻身主动大干一番的。大大是否可以这样设置，会更多看点，也符合情理嘛。
其实，大大品穴的感觉，完全可以多分享点嘛。我看了全文，但是大大最舍得花笔墨的地方了。其他都是完善文章，这倒是心血来潮的精心刻画。要是更多描述，当能更饱满人性。
小弟，谬谈了！

回复 1楼 的帖子

有文有图，无限风光。
大家都在外面跑，跑着跑着就有了那种说不清、道不明的感觉！看来这绝对真实，就像发生在身边一样

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医药代表的故事已经看来了很多，看来是真有其事了。
不知道我们的医改算不算失败。

作者文笔很好.事情一步步渐渐发展十分流畅合理，充满生活气息.流畅描写到最后一段激情都十分自然.